Off With Her Head

Throughout my life there has always been people looking to motivate their life and help achieve their goals. They spend hundreds of dollars on seminars and books trying to make their dreams come true. But why shell out all that money when you can get motivation software that is free to download, install and use.

This is a never-before-released computer program that will enable you to change life-long habits through programmed rehearsal. With the motivator software you customized the good values and it prompts you repeatedly with them so before you know it you are no longer a slave to your old bad habits.

Wether you are trying to stop smoking or just reduce your stress, no matter what you want to change and achieve from your life this software is sure to help.

Paris Hilton’s jail sentence has been cut in half from 45 days to 23 due to “good behavior.” Additionally, they’ll be giving her her own special needs housing unit separated from the other prisoners.

“This was decided because of her high profile,” Whitmore told Reuters. “She will do fine if she follows the rules.”

Ok, the special needs housing I can understand cause I think we can all agree that Miss Hilton isn’t playing with a full deck. But what the hell is this “good behavior”? She has broken her probation and continues to act like an ass!

If you are anything like I am then your pets are more then just an animal they are a furry part of your family. And just like any other family member they need to see a doctor (vet) from time to time and the bill can be just as much if not more then what it cost for us humans to get treated. In North America alone pet owners spend over $10 billion a year on healthcare for their pets and two out of every three pets will experience some significant health problem during their lifetime. And lets face it most of us don’t have thousands of dollars to spend out of pocket for our own healthcare let alone our pets. That’s where pet insurance comes in handy.

Pet Insurance allows the owner to give their pets the best possible treatment that is recommended by their veterinarian without having to worry about a huge out of pocket expense.

-At this moment, how many rolls of toilet paper are there in your house?
I think we have 5 rolls of toilet paper. We are going to defiantly go grocery shopping this week.

-At this moment, how many working flashlights are there in your house?
We have 2 flashlights both with dead batteries in them but Mike’s headlight that he uses for fishing has working batteries.

-Do you know where some candles and matches are?
Yep. I have candles out the ass and matches keep in two different places plus a couple of lighters in the sink drawer.

-If the power were to go out right now, how long could you probably get by on the food in your house?
We could get by for at least a week if we where able to start some sort of fire cause our stove is a gas stove but it has an electric ignition but then again I am sure we could light it with a match.

-It’s someone’s birthday, and you’ve GOT to come up with something to give him or her RIGHT NOW! What have you got?
Well I guess I would have to do the dreaded re-gift. But I also could just go online and print out a gift certificate from so store.

The below was posted by jamil in the comment section of StoptheACLU.com. I found it extremely funny and just had to share it with y’all. Enjoy.

Becoming Illegal (From a Maryland resident to his senator)

The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes Senate Office Building 309 Hart, Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Sarbanes,

As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effor t to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill’s provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I ‘m excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as “in-state” tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver’s license and making those

burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Pete McGlaughlin

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040. Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great