Sometimes it feels as if I’m being pulled into a thousand directions and then at the end of the day, the things I needed to get accomplished are not done because I was doing things for everyone else. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind helping family and friends but sometimes I need help or at the very least would like a little recognition for the things I have done. Also, it is getting to be a little disheartening being the only one bring any money into the home. Sometimes, I would like be splurge a little on myself and buy a new pair of shoes or something. But with my income being all that is coming in, that is not something I can afford at the moment. I will even write a blog post about linear motion just to make an couple extra bucks for little non-necessity things. I think this maybe the main reason for my bout of depression. I actually feel a little better getting that off my chest.
Depression Sucks
I cannot believe January is almost over! This month just flew by. Things have been normal but I have been dealing with a bout of depression. My weight (still haven’t lost those 10 pounds) isn’t helping my depression and I just feel blah. And the thing is, I really don’t have anything major to be depressed about. The past problems (those of you who know, know what I am talking about) still creep up every now and then but they are not the main reason why I feel depressed. And I really cannot pin point the cause of the depression. I just don’t feel very happy. I have a few books I wanted to read (no ereaders, I like the feel and smell of real books) but right now I just don’t feel like reading them. I also don’t feel like playing games (WoW or on the 360) and when I’m not working, cooking or cleaning, I just want to sit and watch mind numbing tv. It doesn’t help that my mind doubts everything. Thankfully, my stress level is not up (it has been way down since moving away from the stress inducer) so I don’t have to deal with that.
Cathouse
Things have been … well … mundane. Well, I shouldn’t say that because I have been busy but with work and daily life and being stuck in the house. Nothing much else. Which is — at the moment — fine with me. I don’t want drama or anything like that. I just wish winter would end and summer (we can skip spring all together) would begin. I hate the cold and being stuck inside. I could go outside but it’s cold (and rainy) outside and like I said in the previous sentence, I hate the cold.
Anyway, today I took some time out and made a cardboard cathouse for Jedi and Nefarian. Jedi sniffed it and walked away because he obviously has better things to do then play in a getto looking cathouse. Nefarian, on the other hand, loved it. He ran through their crinkle cave and into the cathouse smacking anyone through the windows who dare put their hands near it. It cost me $0 since I all ready had the empty boxes, glue and utility knife on hand. So, I figure if the cats don’t want much to do with it at least I didn’t waste any money.
What’s In A Name
Amanda is a common name and many times in preteen/teenage life, I wish I had an uncommon or unique name. And even though there are still times I get a pang of jealousy when I hear a cool name, I am pretty happy with Amanda. I’m even more happy with why my parents (or should I say my Dad) named me Amanda.
See, my Dad was fond of the actress who played Miss Kitty on the TV show Gunsmoke. Her name was Amanda Blake. When I was born, my Dad decided that I would be named Amanda. He forgot to tell my Mom about the change since they had decided beforehand to name me Lacey Lynnette. To say my Mom was shocked when they handed her “Amanda” is an understatement. My Mom and Dad hardly ever added the “A” sound when pronouncing my name so all my cards, presents and notes where addressed to “Manda” which is the name I prefer.
My middle name is Sue, which is also my Mom’s middle name so I always assumed my middle name came from her. But I have never officially asked my Mom or Dad why they went with Sue.
When me and Mike were pregnant with Raven, we decided to name her after Edgar Allen Poe’s poem “The Raven”. I wanted something unique and always had a fondness for that particular poem of his (though The Black Cat is my favorite). Also, my grandfather (my Mom’s Dad who died when my Mom was 8 months old) was half Native American and the name Raven has Native American ties to it. So I thought it was fitting. Her middle name is Jane, which we named her after my Nan (grandmother who is named Mary Jane) who passed away almost a year ago. Her and Raven where extremely close.
What about you? Are you named after someone, something?
Need More Hours
I have so many things I need/want to do and I just cannot seem to fit them all in during the day. I would cut back on sleep but I am one of these people that cannot function properly on a mere 4 or 5 hours of sleep. Even with 8 hours of sleep and the proper dosage of iron pills as prescribed by my doctor, I am still tired. That is mainly due to the almost non-existent iron in my body (I have severe iron- deficiency anemia and my body cannot hold onto iron which means I have no iron reserve and am always tired). Anyway, I need a few extra hours during the day to get everything done. I really envy those who can go! go! go! with only a few hours of sleep. Anyway, it’s almost 1:30am and I should have went to bed a few hours ago. The cats have been reminding me in a not-so-subtle way that they too are ready to hit the hay. Goodnight all!
