The Mind of a 16 Year Old

For 16 years, people have been asking Mike and I if we were going to have another child. Mike loves babies, while I would much rather skip the whole pregnancy and baby stage and get a kid who was all ready like 1 or 2 years old. How Raven and I survived that first year of her life I will never know.

Anyway, Mike has always wanted another child because — like many other people — he wants the traditional 2 child household. And I don’t blame him because — since we were so young when we had Raven — there were many things he — as well as I –missed out on. But, while I sometimes think that having another child would be nice, I cannot get over this annoying problem I have.

For some reason, I get extremely embarrassed if certain people (i.e. my parents or Mike’s parents) talk about pregnancy issues. For example, my mother-in-law made a harmless comment to my sister-in-law (who is pregnant) over Thanksgiving that she was carrying the baby high. Nothing wrong with that comment at all. Yet I felt extremely embarrassed.

I think that my brain is still in the mode of that 16 year old girl who got pregnant and had to tell everyone and answer thousands of questions that — at the time — I found embarrassing. It’s weird because I can openly take about sex, periods and other bodily functions without batting an eyelash but anything to do with being pregnant I feel unbearably embarrassed. And the mere thought of having to tell our family that I’m pregnant (I’m not, just wanted to make that clear) makes me feel like I have done something wrong and that I will get in “deep trouble”. Which is completely idiotic because I am 33 years old, married, have a 16 year old daughter and own a home. But I cannot get passed those feelings.

9 comments

  1. Kat says:

    You and I should be twins or something. I feel the same way that you do. I don’t necessarily mind kids (though I’d rather deal with a kid who is over 5 years old), but babies gross me out. I just don’t like babies at all. And the thought of pregnancy actually makes me sick to my stomach, which is a little different than your reaction to it. Although I do agree that pregnancy is a very embarrassing topic…and I think that this mostly has to do with the fact that everything is happening in a woman’s body (specifically her private areas: breast feeding, vaginal childbirth).

    I totally understand the embarrassment issue because I feel the same way. It’s weird because so many people assume that women are natural nurturers and that we all have a “need” to have babies and that a woman who doesn’t like babies is kinda weird. That is just not true. I liken babies to any other interest that I have. I’m not much of a dog person, yet millions of people love dogs. I’m not much of a baby person, yet millions of people love babies. The difference between the two is that most people don’t give two flying fucks if you own a dog, yet a woman is often expected by her family and friends to have a baby (or two or three or four or five million, lol). We live in a weird society.

    Raven is a beautiful girl and there is no reason for you to have another baby unless you want one yourself. My hubby would LOVE if I got pregnant. But because I’ve talked to him about how I do not want a baby, he respects that and we are trying our best to keep our home child-free. The phrase “we’re pregnant” annoys the flying fuck of our me. It is only the woman who gets pregnant and has to deal with that, ahem, bullshit…so if you don’t want another kid, no one should ever make you feel weird about it. You are your own woman, so it your decision if a baby is a great choice or one you’ll want to avoid until the blissful day when you reach menopause (which I personally cannot wait for myself!)

  2. Hiro says:

    I guess it must be, like you said, stemming from how the “last time,” it was something that wasn’t looked favorably upon by the large majority of people just because you were so young. I hope you’ll be able to find a way to get a good conclusion though! A 16 year old and a baby would make a crazy interesting household. And she’s totally old enough to babysit when you need one! (I would’ve loved to have had a baby sibling when I was 17.)

    There’s been so much talks of babies recently in the blogs I’ve been hopping around- it must be that family and baby season! :)
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  3. Sammy says:

    I totally know what you’re saying here, because I feel the same way. I want to have a second child so badly, but there’s always going to be this embarassment and fear over certain people making certain remarks and comments.

    My now step father (at the time, he was only my mom’s boyfriend) called me “huge” during my pregnancy with my daughter, when I wasn’t. I was big, but I wasn’t even five months along when he would make remarks like that. It was so embarassing and I actually felt sad about what I looked like pregnant. Looking back, I don’t feel I was huge at all, but the next child I have, I just hope and pray that he won’t make stupid remarks like that because of how depressed I felt. People also made comments towards me saying the baby was going to be “fat” because of how big I got towards my eighth month.

    Another thing that really irked me is when people just walk up to you and reach out to touch your belly… no matter who they are, if they’re not my immediate family – hands off!

    So, I know what you’re saying. Granted, I wasn’t 16, but I was age 20 when I got pregnant and went through a lot with it. People shouldn’t make comments if they don’t know, I guess.
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  4. Kirsten says:

    I was an only child until I was 10, almost 11 when my parents adopted my younger brother (they had him from birth, took him home from the hospital, the only thing they didn’t do themselves was conceive him or give birth to him), I found it fun having a younger sibling when I was in high school. Have you thought about adopting if you want to skip the pregnancy and baby stage? Tons of kids need homes :)
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  5. Carolynne says:

    Oh wow. That is a hard issue to approach. I don’t think it’s weird at all. Your memories of being pregnant are all associated with those feelings. If you were to ever get pregnant again, I am sure you would develop different feelings now. It’s always hard to get past our minds sometimes.
    Carolynne recently posted..About TimeMy Profile

  6. Jessica says:

    Do these feeling occur even when friends talk about pregnancy? Or just when family does? Personally, I cannot stand to hear family talk about pregnancy at all – probably because it’s usually in reference to my age and my lack of it. :P If it’s family, then it’s definitely understandable. Friends…not so much. As for deciding to get pregnant, it’s only a decision that the three of you can make – you should definitely see what your daughter feels about the whole situation. Some girls would love to have a little brother/sister at sixteen, while others would completely freak out. Regardless, of what you decide – best of luck!
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  7. adAstra @Flexines says:

    You are not weird, or I’m weird too, haha! People do not understand why I don’t get into holding baby showers and telling the world I’m pregnant… it just feels odd. I hated that feeling of people looking at my belly especially if I could tell the baby was moving around enough to be seen. To me it is embarrassing, although I am not really sure why. The second time around it was a lot less uncomfortable so hopefully it would be for you, too!
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  8. Nikki says:

    I have 3 kids and I was embarrassed every single time when I told someone LOL. I was 18 when I was pregnant with my first, so that was understandable. But I was 22 and 26 when I was pregnant with my other 2 (and married lol) and I still didn’t want to tell anyone.
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  9. Michelle says:

    Oh man, that’s what I worry about too. How pregnancy and afterwards is going to be. I can’t imagine myself with a small baby and such, only with some child older. Of course, I’ll be much older when I have kids, so there is that of course.
    Michelle recently posted..The First TimeMy Profile

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