For 16 years, people have been asking Mike and I if we were going to have another child. Mike loves babies, while I would much rather skip the whole pregnancy and baby stage and get a kid who was all ready like 1 or 2 years old. How Raven and I survived that first year of her life I will never know.
Anyway, Mike has always wanted another child because — like many other people — he wants the traditional 2 child household. And I don’t blame him because — since we were so young when we had Raven — there were many things he — as well as I –missed out on. But, while I sometimes think that having another child would be nice, I cannot get over this annoying problem I have.
For some reason, I get extremely embarrassed if certain people (i.e. my parents or Mike’s parents) talk about pregnancy issues. For example, my mother-in-law made a harmless comment to my sister-in-law (who is pregnant) over Thanksgiving that she was carrying the baby high. Nothing wrong with that comment at all. Yet I felt extremely embarrassed.
I think that my brain is still in the mode of that 16 year old girl who got pregnant and had to tell everyone and answer thousands of questions that — at the time — I found embarrassing. It’s weird because I can openly take about sex, periods and other bodily functions without batting an eyelash but anything to do with being pregnant I feel unbearably embarrassed. And the mere thought of having to tell our family that I’m pregnant (I’m not, just wanted to make that clear) makes me feel like I have done something wrong and that I will get in “deep trouble”. Which is completely idiotic because I am 33 years old, married, have a 16 year old daughter and own a home. But I cannot get passed those feelings.